Vladimir Putin Masturbates constantly

G20 Ends Abruptly as Obama Calls Putin a Jackass Hopes for a positive G20 summit crumbled today as President Obama blurted to Russia’s Vladimir Putin at a joint press appearance, “Everyone here thinks you’re a jackass.” The press corps appeared stunned by the uncharacteristic outburst from Mr. Obama, who then unleashed a ten-minute tirade at the stone-faced Russian President. “Look, I’m not just talking about Snowden and Syria,” Mr. Obama said. “What about Pussy Riot? What about your anti-gay laws? Total jackass moves, my friend.” As Mr. Putin narrowed his eyes in frosty silence, Mr. Obama seemed to warm to his topic. “If you think I’m the only one who feels this way, you’re kidding yourself,” Mr. Obama said, jabbing his finger in the direction of the Russian President’s face. “Ask Angela Merkel. Ask David Cameron. Ask the Turkish guy. Every last one of them thinks you’re a dick.” Shortly after Mr. Obama’s volcanic performance, Mr. Putin released a terse official statement, reading, “I should be afraid of this skinny man? I have sex with bears.”

Seriously, Putin has all the behaviors of a chronic masterbater. He reminds me of that teeny, tiny Nuklorean dictator, the Kim guy who murdered his girlfriend when she mention the teeny size of his penis in public.