Ross Perot is responsible for Cobol in the social security net

There is a scramble for COBOL programmers.
Ross Perot was this tiny guy, 4' 8")  with huge friggen ears that shot straight out of his head. He made his bucks the old fashioned way, stole it from tax payers by putting  the SS system on line.

Ross ran for president. He got Clinton elected because people were laughing so hard they hit the wrong button.

My point is, if he stuck around in tech he would have updated a long time ago. 

COBOL is learnable, let me get you a sample:

IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
PROGRAM-ID.  ShortestProgram.

PROCEDURE DIVISION.
DisplayPrompt.
    DISPLAY "I did it".
    STOP RUN.

We They can make a translator simple enough, not me, no,no,no...